chaos forever, bring on the bedlam and lather me in insanity, its all fine as the only really confirmation i have for these/those experiences is that im experiencing them and everything is a product of my imagination so clearly they’re the real deal. i’ve come to the conclusion the only thing that really matters is getting enough sleep and not being a wanker. supporting mumma nature is probably worth thinking about, something I’ve thought a lot about moving back to Aus and having to donate/throw away/sell a bunch of shit I’d accrued over the 3.78 years i had in Vancouver – i’d come mostly to terms with it all until last week, when i was busy trying to ensure the next shortcut i took through Ikea was not going to send me backwards in the maze of immense consumerist pressure (i bought a bunch of shit i didn’t need, i even went there with a strict list shit i needed). I came across a bunch of things i’d discarded just a few weeks earlier (mostly lights), in order to fulfil an insatiable desire to fly home with 2 bags and a bike box – that’s ignoring the 2 boxes and other bike box I’ve got in Canada still.. blame air fiji for the 300 dollar charge per bag and 3 bag cap…
8:58am, a view from my balcony looking north to Grouse Mountain, before shooting Dexter skate the BPs in torrential rain. can’t wait to be 2/3 years from now thinking about my time in that place.
back to the bathing in bedlam preach that began this rant: its so fine, last year i attested endlessly that it was not fine and yeah it was certainly fkd at the time but look at me now (bathing in my own froth). the distress got me here, and as much as I had an everlastingly blissful time in Vancouver i do still believe Brisbane and SEQ are the best places on earth. fight me. the only real regret i have is destroying my knees, they’re still fkd from riding too much over the course of 7 weeks, but im not even regretting that anymore tbh. it reignited a core component of my self that my years of sedation had all but watered down (read weed) and although im not gonna go for a thousand km bike ride any time soon, i’m gonna do that on any other number of glorious craft i enjoy – like a kayak, or just fkn swim there. i’ve been doing lots of that, in pools, in the ocean, on the surface and under.. i did some yoga and exploded my fkn knees again so that’s out, what is probably in is research approved collagen peptides and the search for a physio that isn’t gonna tell me to rest cuz forget that, I need to feel what i felt riding for 18hrs a day again (pure fkn bliss).
probs also 8:58. i could check but it obviously doesn’t matter
one thing thats struck me, mostly on my trip here over xmas, but more and more now, is that the time is fkn now – an acquaintance got diagnosed with cancer and 3 weeks alter dead, ppl are getting older, my cousins dealing with cancer (not ded thank fk) my grandad died 2 months ago, it’s all pretty brutal and we’re all doomed so do that fkn thing. i know you just thought of something, do it. fight me. plz don’t, unless that thing you really need to do is fight me, in which case lets be gentle, shits fkd enough, or we could just cuddle, that’ll probably fix it. the way i see it is my body is cooked either way so why not just fury now and, yeah cook my body, but use the bastard before im old and inhibited by all the bullshit that seems to pile up through life. i’ve got plenty of time to chill, or i dont, either way what i dont have plenty of time for is FURYING, and 8 hours of sleep, clearly. or building me a new website, which im gonna do, but ive got like 6 to build right now and those get me paid so im in a tricky spot, somewhere between burnout and complete fucking burnout. what a time to be alive. i got a lot to deal with, mostly the entirety of my being and its future/engagement with reality, which seems pretty chill cuz it really doesn’t need to be… until the next time in forehead deep in fkn chaos and need to do something drastic, like more to Brazil, or something.
definitely 8:59 given the lens change.