enough really isn’t

ive decided that ive had enough, but more importantly I’ve realised that i can have it all.

  also, happy new year – below are a bunch of phone photos

ive decided that ive had enough, but more importantly I’ve realised that i can have it all. 2023 was a ride, like one of the coasters i used to make on roller coaster tycoon some 20 years ago where my goal was to produce enough g-forces to kill all of the passengers. Granted, it appears I am most likely still alive (might be in heaven but) and unlike my hellspawn/suicide-coaster-fetishist that was my high-school self im no longer totally overwhelmed by the enormity of life and the potential gravity of minor decisions, how things have changed… 2022 was fkd, so the baseline at the beginning of 2023 was low (probs the lowest), but I’m writing this rant to log how undeniably certain I am that 2024 is looking pretty fkn good. The things that made the previous years so rough, as challenging as they were, still exist, but they don’t consume me, or they consume me in other ways – better ways, like motivation, general knee health and a reformed approach to mundanity.

shits actually wild, i was doom-surfing for a while there and part of me was for sure in revelry mode and i found that weird but after a while it became fuel for the acceptance that i had to get deep in the doom and not outrun it for the sake of basic, uncomprehensive comfort. I do believe time heals all wounds, but time + denial does not heal wounds. In later of 2022, the depth of the chaos epoch, i made it to never-before-reached-heights of understanding suffering, further concreting the notion that happiness is a product of sadness and vice versa and that to be happy all the time is to be flat, and being flat is just that, im all about the 📉📈. I used to (in my early and mid-twenties) think that a constant state of happiness was the goal, but that was pure naivety in hindsight. I now see states of down as happiness maintenance and can accept not only their function but also appreciate that together we (we being my non-emotive self and my emotions, as conflicting individuals) are working towards a future state of bliss.

basically i’m just training for the mental gymnastics olympics and im so determined that even their complete lack of existence in reality won’t stop me. what is real? I doesn’t even fkn matter. All that matters is getting as much growing & experience in as I can before each part of my self reaches the cliffs of mortality. this next epoch, which ive basically decided began in December 2023, but for which i have no name – for the sake of posthumous perfection, is in full swing and its routed in selfishness – selfishness not in the sense of being a wanker, but as a means of empowering the self and my general wellbeing, which in turn will benefit the people around me, albeit my selfishness. it’s probably more of a knifes edge than i perceive at this stage, but realistically my only concern is relating to blowing off my homies, except that that’s been a semi consistent thing in my life so far anyway (sorry) so i’m no more concerned there than usual because im gonna be frothing and that’s ideal for all parties. i guess to summarize the selfishness, it’s to focus on identifying the self and happily taking full responsibility for my actions and emotions. And tbh, i’ve always struggled with this bad habbit i’ve exhibited in the past of partly offloading the responsibilty of my self – mostly to my significant other and the way I seem to replace it with a sense of theirs, that is based on my imagination basically. my goal of selfishness comes with challenges, mainly relating to forming deep relationships without the impetus of “progression”. I know I don’t need to be bonded to the max in order to be content and experience bliss so i think im in the clear, the challenge is finding people that are compatible with that notion (and the things i like doing) and the reality that I need to dethrone the idea of security, especially without legal bondage (marriage). having dabbled in trying to find people like this, it seems like that’s is a huge challenge for all – but im not sure if this actually a huge concern/challenge. I feel i sound like a tart, and i probs do (that’s up to you). (lemon myrtle ideally).

what has been a major driver is getting fucking stoked within mumma nature (my kind of bondage)… but I have to work (a lot), but moreso than since ~2017 has my primary focus departed from work – a curse of the landyachtz induced dream job epoch probably, but i’d do far less for worses curses. before choosing from my vast menu of hobbies (weather dependent – the wetter the better) and try to fill whatever is left with my homies. And I’m not sure if the aforementioned routine will sustain me forever, but even if it doesn’t, i know im gonna be fkn stoked in the meantime, and if/when i realise i’m stoked no longer, i’ll probs just push the epochal-ejection button again and slowly spiral back to reality before emerging victorious once more. the fear of embarking on something with finality is a multi-faceted megalo-menace – something i did not feel before the landy situation, i completely believed i’d be doing that and was very spoilt.

Newcastle Beach

Merewether Ocean Baths (i can’t get over how pleasurable it is to swim in these.)

Port of Brisbane – surfing tugboat wake, parked on a beach donated by the concrete plant behind me.

Moreton Bay mashings – its rarely this smooth

Pickle (L) Possum (R)

Pickle

learning

secret Louis

Newcastle

Newcastle again

Mt Warning

Backyard Storms, fk yeah.

Was an epic season of earlobe roulette, it seems they can still swoop me at 40km’h

Corellas in East Newcastle

bliss

selfie (moving back to aus flight)

Deagon Wetlands

The swamp near Nudgee dump

birthday skating in the hood

water monitor

kiosk + sunrise 🤌

Po

jacob-lambert-blog

passion of the crisis

mullet, many i thought literally signing off from the chaos epoch was going to bring a resounding level of calm to my non-literal (what occurs

Read More »
jacob-pixel-phone-camera-PXL_20230617_204444265-(1)

phones as cameras

I’m here with a specific purpose in mind: to log the adjustment in my perceptions of using phones for taking photos – don’t get me

Read More »

the espresso paradox considers the point where the espresso’s speed benefits result in a longer completion time than if one had not spent time acquiring and consuming the espresso in the first place.  this point is mostly controlled by one’s desire to consume the espresso, not the resulting time gains.  

Taiwan Tour Video