The ensuing chaos ensues

Roughly 5 months ago I was sitting in this exact same spot, with coffee that didn’t come out of my new machine (fk yeh) and a tenable sense of excitement and bliss but with a dash of concern that may or may not have been presented textually, typical, I could just read it..  Basically I was concerned with the amount of chaos in my life but in hindsight those concerns weren’t for the present levels…

fog nature lazers – all i wanted when living in Aus was to have access to this. 

 I assume the excitement was pretty clear as I ranted about getting back onto the road for the first time since Covid, but the chaos was and still is pretty high.  Since that last post at the end of April I’ve racked up about 8000kms on the road between the parent’s road trip (not seeing any of my family for 2.5 years sucked), another skate tour (Utah – Idaho – Oregon) and Mary’s road trip (California) – mostly all good chaos but also fucking chaos, especially the latter. 

But I think its a given really, mostly because of this sense of isolation, not really from anyone (Mary though) or anything, I just feel isolated (and kinda like it) but isolation ensures entropy and I am certainly in no shortage of that already soooo I best be flipping that notion cuz I could use some law and order in this train of mine every now and then.

the latter

the prior in a state of latter

Most of this brainfart occurred while riding recently, all I do is ride these days and I fkn love it – when I’m home in Van.  It provides me with a zone to think atypically, which results from pushing to a point where all available energy is diverted away from chimp brain shit, in order to breath & disassociate from pain etc, leaving just a smidgen of consciousness, which provides me with a different path of insight and one that I’ve always enjoyed – perhaps why riding myself to the edge of my grave has been a relatively common theme in my life since high school, but back then introspection wasn’t really on my radar.  I feel like through depravation I can get closer to the core self, which might not be something at all, and perhaps its dangerous to assume such a thing exists but how else am I supposed to decide what is right.

eucalypts in the US, the closest I’ve come to Australia since Covid.

What I don’t know is if my last rant dabbled on the extreme existentialism that is seemingly my favourite thought topic at this point, and that point right there is, as I write it now, probably the epicentre of the carnage that has drenched me of late.  By way of whatever, perhaps a curse, I’m under the hopefully absurd assumption that we’re all doomed and all human-made systems are increasingly unscrupulous thanks to the era of Human Resources, as in, humans being the resource, no longer is our worth based on the self’s ability to work.  

tree breaths

This obviously leads to dread and I’m sure I’m not the only one but when I started dealing with that head on the anecdotes of destruction I’ve dabbled in are actually really fkn scary, especially because I’ve got a lot of decisions to make – all of which are scary without the influence of a general sense of destruction. 

skeets

here’s some light hearted shit to lighten your heart – you gotta watch it too though, the visual splendour is to be marvelled at 🤌

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