All journeys leave something behind, in favour of the hunt to attain some thing or feel and when the value of that thing is held mutually by all it becomes a voyage and when all parties, albeit their isolation, can grow in ways afforded only by the absence, then it becomes an odyssey and this post is acting basically as a marker indicative of an odyssey commenced by my partner and I last week. I’ve always desired for this blog to represent, in varied but uncontrolled levels of transparency, current underlying emotions and subconscious wellbeing and so, as much as this is an exercise in annotation it relates equally to the exposition that allows me to later ID timeframes in an exact sense, to help me map things out and utilise my retrospection – because it informs challenges of the present and I am gearing up for some serious challenges arising from Mary Lou and I living on the other side of the planet.
As a seasoned reader of my own blog, for reasons aforementioned, and as someone who has gone through this before, I know full well that nothing about this is going to be super easy and what I REALLY know is my experience, and really that is all I can know. Knowledge aside, I’ve certainly spent a decent chunk of my life pondering the passage of that previous iteration and one of my biggest regrets was not writing more during that time – something clearly visible from my post timeline. But in saying that, those gnarly times paved the way for some of the most insane blog posts I’ve ever written, insane in all ways – for eg its probably my richest output and riddled with insights that only future Jacob could engage with. And that’s just the surface-value that I can present to you here, the emotional struggle and growth and maturation born out of that experience, and realistically the 3 years after that, was so intense and extreme that in hindsight led me to take a few years off from life – in the sense I was idling on the sidelines. One main difference in this current scenario is it’s an endeavour we’ve designed to favour not just us both, but both our present and future selves and whatever we may become in between.
In relation to the odyssey, I said early that my definition of it demands mutual growth made possible only by way of the distance, which is basically utilisation of the day to day independence that comes with being apart. Therein lies my role in this odyssy, a role that demands growth on both sides and one that Mary has sorted with the Data Science degree she’s moving home to start (before transferring up here upon PR status) and one that excites me greatly for a busy person will always demand more time even without first thinking what that time is for and now that I am living this reality I’m plagued with choice that I am refusing to let its take it’s natural course, which is to indecision. Luckily I am a lamb of many desires and desires that are met face first by the glory that is BC’s natural gifts and the lovely people whom I get to engage with here and yes sure I am missing the one whom I most wish to engage but at this stage our longest hiatus might be as short as 5 months. And I don’t care who said it, cuz we all know it, but absence makes the heart grow fonder and as far as I’m concerned the next x period of time is going to be me riding my bike to see some of nature’s greatest gifts both above and below the water.
TL:DR? Listen to this, It’s how I feel ->
The track already gives me goosebumps but am highly intrigued to see how that pans out now that I’m imprinting it with emotions relating to Mary’s departure, loneliness and the commencement of the invasion on Ukraine… oh geez.